Searching My Heart Amidst Loss

Searching My Heart Amidst Loss
Author: Grace Hill, Outreach & Foster WV Director
Ten- Part 7
Shortly after getting home from school on August 25th, 2015, I heard the words that my cousin had passed away. He had been shot and murdered. In the eyes of my cousins and me, he was full of life, super cool, and insanely talented. He was the cousin we all wanted to be like and hang out with. We didn’t have much information at the time, but I was shocked and completely heartbroken. The murder of my cousin was a devastating event that profoundly altered my family’s life. Nearly a decade later, the murder of my cousin prompted me to think about the fragility of life and what my heart looks like.

Our lives have a purpose so much greater than we know, and even amidst pain and loss, we can rest on that promise.

His death has taught me to confront my shortcomings. As Christians we can tend to think things like, “Well, at least I’m not guilty of murder.” However, in Matthew 5:21-22, Jesus says, "You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment." These verses are a reminder that murder begins in the heart. Anger, unchecked and festering, can lead to devastating actions. I find myself reflecting on the many ways I have allowed bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness to take root within me at different times of my life.
All bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.
– Ephesians 4:31-32
The loss of my cousin has taught me the importance of compassion and forgiveness. I have learned to extend grace to others, recognizing that life is too short and fragile. Each day is a true gift and pushes me to cherish my relationships more and more. Our lives have a purpose so much greater than we know, and even amidst pain and loss, we can rest on that promise. This has not only improved my relationships but also brought peace to my heart, and I know that my cousin would want me to pursue a life of peace.
   
Though a trial was held and “justice” was served, this loss will forever sadden me. Earthly justice will never bring back a life, but I rest in knowing that God will take care of it all. I don’t need to carry it. I see how God has used my cousin's death to transform my family’s life. The pain has not disappeared, but it has led to profound growth and a deeper understanding of God's love and grace. I encourage you, too, to reflect on your heart and seek God's guidance in your life. May we all invite God to search us, to know us, and lead us in this broken world.

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